George Gardner Story

_{George has a firm grasp on Birkenhead}

ADDICTED TO ART - George Gardner

What do you do when your world has been falling apart for most of your life? Who do you turn to when the people you thought were your best mates turn out to be your worst enemies? What is there left in your life when everything you have done has gone wrong and you are left with nothing?

I was born in Kirby in Liverpool – the eldest of 9 kids. I wasn't a bad lad but I just seemed to get into trouble and soon that trouble landed me in bother big time. I was sniffing solvents by the time I was 7 and that soon turned to harder drugs and finally I found myself in care by the time is was 10.

Going into care was not the big thing that hits some people. I actually got a lot out of it and for a while not only did I feel free of some tough times but I also settled down – I got the chance to do a lot of new things – at 12 I climbed the highest mountain in England and also started to face some of life realities.

Because I came from a poor background I started to taste what life was like in the "real world" facing the cruelties that some teenagers can meet out to others who don't have the means to buy designer labels, fancy trainees and sports gear. I suffered a lot from the teasing and taunts of the other kids and out of desperation I learned to box. Boxing taught me a lot about personal discipline aswell as built up my physical and mental strength. I must have been good because by the time I was 14 I had fought in 73 amateur boxing bouts and won numerous trophies and medals. Needless to say the bullying stopped soon after!

I hated being at school in every way possible – it felt as if the uninspiring teachers couldn't care less about my growing passion for art. Drawing and art became an escape for me and in many ways always have been ever since.

As I was growing older I still seemed to continue to get in with the wrong crowd - it was part of a way for me to try and fit into some sort of group of so called mates and find a youthful identity, recognition by someone and friendship. All through my 20's I was in and out of jail. Did I learn anything from prison? No! All I learned in prison was survival skills and ways to beat the system when I came back out.

But despite all this bad news there were moments of incredible happiness and joy – the birth of my kids ranks amongst the best experiences of my life. But no matter how much I loved my kids I could not give up drugs at that time and by 2003 I was using a wild cocktail of crack cocaine and heroin. I felt like I was locked in a box that was so small I could not move. I felt physically and mentally squashed in. I was weak and tired – I cried a lot and of course suffered the usual aches and pains but every now and then in some moment of clarity I would draw or paint pictures that helped release my emotions. It was some wild roller coaster of a lifestyle that I look back on now with horror and sadness.

Things got so bad that I was feeding a £500 per day, seven day a week habit and I had become so skilled in crime that I found I could cope with that. What I didn't realise was the terrible toll all of this was having on my body. Then one day I ended up in a wheelchair and remember being told I risked losing both my legs because of my continual injecting. I was sticking needles in my head, armpits it was a living hell. The only thing that kept me going through it all was thinking of my son and my art.

I can't remember the day I said that's it, but it was a couple of years back and from that moment I have moved forward day by day. I moved in at Birkenhead YMCA a few months ago – I'd stayed there a few years ago in the old building – what a difference the new building is. During my time here I got involved in a number of initiatives that work within the YMCA building however I got the most from Intuitive Recovery who have helped me focus my plans in a new and meaningful way and take responsibility for my life.

I have learned a lot during my life but one thing sticks out in all of it – someone once told me that "if you put 10% of addiction into a meaningful life then you've cracked it!" It says it all really.

I have my life back and I can only look forwards now. My art is still a lifeline to a creative freedom I love. Soon I will be putting on an exhibition at the YMCA. I hope the people that view my work get as much out of it as I do. Art is a very special release and although some people say it is a gift I think it is just another way of expressing your inner most feelings.

"Hungry and Hopeless"

a short poem by
George Gardner